Top Ten Things I Look Like when Tap Dancing

10. Recent graduate of Al Gore School of Looseness and Flexibility (bottom third of class)

9. The Incredible Dancing Anvil

8. Radio Controlled Human (controller held by monkey)

7. A guy hypnotized to obey all instructions from a mean but internally arguing committee

6. A sad man who has Tourette's Syndrome from the knees down

5. Jumpin' Extremely Weary Jehosaphat

4. Length of pipe standing on end; pregnant

3. Spasm, the Steel-Toed Sloth

2. Godzilla at a hoedown

And the Number One Thing I think I look like when tap dancing...

1. The Anti-Bojangles